This one is a hybrid between Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar and Schwarzenegger’s Terminator and consequently… . Beware the Ides of April as I am baaaacccckkkkk!

After the last TT published a fortnight ago, some of you actually thought you had seen the last of me (or at least, read the last of me – or should that be mine?) But you forgot that my last column was published on April 1st, which also happened to be All Fool’s Day and voila…we made an ‘April Fool’ of a lot of you (fooled you, fooled you, tra la la la la la!)

No, it was not my swan song despite it being mellifluous to my critics’ ears, and TT is definitely not bidding adieu, at least not for some time. I was solely responsible for the prank and I take responsibility for having successfully pulled a fast one…mea culpa and all that, and one now needs to apologise to those who rejoiced in vain (and we know some of you did, so don’t say you didn’t); apologies to also those who actually fell for the prank, which as you may know, is the norm and in golfing parlance, ‘par for the course’ on All Fool’s Day.

However, a big thank you to all the well wishers who called/messaged/wrote on my FB wall giving support and offering suggestions of how we could get even with those who had supposedly axed this column; thanks also to my dear Editor who was the only one privy to the Machiavellian scheming and allowed me to pull this prank on you guys.

Along with the thanks, apologies to her for all the brickbats she received by a dedicated group of TT fans, who vociferously suggested that one should start a blog instead and how dare the MD management unceremoniously decide to make them miss their alternate Wednesday fix? So, all’s well that ends well etc etc, and as one of the idiots in Three Idiots repeatedly said: “Aall izzz waell!” Indeed it is, and the TT is back doing what it normally does!

As Wodehouse had written for the likes of those who rejoiced a fortnight ago and now had the epiphany that they were stuck with the TT for some more time: you guys will be looking “haggard and careworn, like a Borgia who has suddenly remembered that he has forgotten to put cyanide in the consommé, and the dinner gong was due any minute…” and probably you must be experiencing “the sort of abysmal soul-sadness which afflicts one of Tolstoy’s Russian peasants when, after putting in a heavy day’s work strangling his father, beating his wife, and dropping the baby into the city’s reservoir, he turns to the cupboards, only to find the vodka bottle empty.” Tough luck guys…sorry, but am going to be around for a few more alternate Wednesdays, so learn to live with it. And if you can’t, then go fly a kite or take a hike or jump in the sea…if you fell for our cromulent attempt, then you have no one to blame but yourself!

So keeping in tune with last fortnight’s theme of the Arians celebrating their zodiac sign, another old friend trudged up the hill and crossed to the other side where the big six –o awaited him with open arms, and holidaying in sunny Budapest in a fedora and dark glasses could not slow down the sands of time. So here’s to a wonderful birthday to a ‘nag’ pal of mine and to all the April born and may the years ahead be filled with peace of mind and a piece of what one doesn’t mind (meaning the delicious cake…what were you thinking?).

Meanwhile, out there in the land of Kate and her duplicates and of William and his syndicate, there appears to be a pregnant pause as the nation awaits the impending arrival of the royal baby, and our local oracle Atticus feels that if a Princess, then she will possibly be called Charlotte, and if a Prince then obviously Gorgeous George’s sibling will be Debonair David, even though Suave Sam is a close second. Closer home, the Rahas await the arrival of their Princess Aariya and the race is on between Kate and Mits while William and Adrit nervously pace the corridors of their mansions chewing on the cigar. Irrespective of who comes first (or should that be who comes out first?), the Dom Perignon will be popped in London and the Moet Chandon in Muscat. So let the celebrations continue… .

And before I finally sign off, a few random thoughts:

Do you know that a recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it?

Do you know that some men build six packs while others build eight packs? I know of many who build family packs!

Do you know that Smart, Talented, Unique Persons in Demand can also be stupid?

Till next fortnight…here’s wishing my dear Bengali friends, Shuvo Naba Barsho as they celebrate their New Year today, on Pohila Baisakh!

SOURCE: Muscat Daily